November 10, 2011
40 ways to help babies and children thrive
Three and a half years ago I saw my first TED talk. The speaker, a woman named Jill Bolte Taylor, was a Harvard neuroscientist who had suffered a stroke. I was blown away by her presentation for several reasons, but mainly because, without doing so directly, she was doing a great job of explaining what I imagine it is like to be a baby.
Why? Because the stroke she suffered affected her left brain functioning. Her ability to reason and use language and do very practical human things.
What she was left with was right brain functioning. She found herself in a state of presence. She experienced life in the moment, through her beingness. Based on what I’ve been studying for the past 10 years this is very similar to what it means to be a baby—A Big Being in a little body.
In her book My Stroke of Insight she offers Tips for anyone relating to someone who has just gone through a stroke. I’ve adapted this list slightly to help people who are caring for babies and children.
1. I am not a blob. I am a conscious, awake, thinking, feeling, communicative being who cannot, just yet, express myself in the ways that others can express themselves. Please respect me as a fully conscious person.
2. Come close, speak slowly, and enunciate clearly.
3. Repeat yourself—assume I know nothing and start from the beginning, over and over.
4. Be as patient with me the 20th time you teach me something, as you were the first.
5. Approach me with an open heart and slow your energy down. Take your time.
6. Be aware of what your body language and facial expressions are communicating to me.
7. Make eye contact with me. I am in here—come find me. Encourage me.
8. Please don’t raise your voice—I’m not deaf, I’m just little.
9. Touch me appropriately and connect with me.
10. Honor the healing power of sleep.
11. Protect my energy. Be mindful of not overstimulating me with too much talk radio, TV, or nervous visitors!
12. Stimulate my brain when I have energy to learn something new, but know that a small amount may wear me out quickly.
13. Use your face, your voice and your hands. Those are my favorite toys.
14. Introduce me to the world kinesthetically. Let me feel everything.
15. Teach me with monkey-see, monkey-do behavior.
16. Trust that I am trying—just not with your skill level or on your schedule.
17. When you ask me to do something, give me time to process the request before asking again or getting upset because I’m not doing it. Expect that I will do it.
18. Ask me questions with specific answers. Allow me time to hunt for an answer.
19. Do not assess my cognitive ability by how fast I can think.
20. Handle me gently.
21. Speak to me directly, not about me to others.
22. Cheer me on. Expect me to grow up. It will happen quickly.
23. Trust that my brain can always continue to learn.
24. Break all actions down into smaller steps of action.
25. Look for what obstacles prevent me from succeeding on a task.
26. Clarify for me what the next level or step is so I know what I am working toward.
27. Remember that I have to be proficient at one level of function before I can move on to the next level.
28. Celebrate all of my little successes. They inspire me.
29. I may want you to think I understand more than I really do.
30. Focus on what I can do rather than bemoan what I cannot do.
31. Introduce me to my life.
32. Remember that in the absence of some functions, I have other abilities, specifically the ability to sense things very intensely.
33. Familiarize me with my family, friends, and loving support. Build a collage wall of cards and photos that I can see. Label them so I can review them.
34. Call in the troops! Create a support team for yourselves and for me. We all thrive when surrounded by a loving and supportive tribe.
35. Love me for who I am today. Don’t wish me into tomorrow. Be here now and celebrate who I am in this moment.
36. Be protective of me but do not stand in the way of my progress.
37. Remember that growing my brain and body is hard work and I will feel tired a lot of the time.
38. Don’t fear my future. It just takes you out of the present.
39. Trust that you are doing more than enough.
40. Above all, take great care of yourself, it helps me feel safe.
Tags: babies, big beings little bodies, Carrie Contey, children, conscious parenting, jill bolte taylor, my stroke of insight, toddlers, ways of being with babies, ways of being with children