January 14, 2013

Gettin’ Back To “Coupledom”

In case you forgot, your partner is the reason you’re a parent.  I mean, it took two of you to make your beautiful offspring, right?

I’m willing to bet that with the exception of the occasional “surprise” out there, the two of you decided you wanted to build a family together. And the reason you did that is because you love each other unconditionally and life with your partner is better than life without.

Then the kids came and your partnership changed.  Dramatically.  And if you’re like most couples, some of the things about your relationship that brought you together in the first place have potentially disappeared post-parenthood.

So, how do you get back to “coupledom?”  (“Coupledom” is the utopia you lived in pre-kids).
I’ve got some answers for you.

In the interest of time, they’re simple, but don’t let the simple nature of these ideas fool you: they work. Take action on these starting TODAY and I guarantee you’ll start to see those wonderful things about your partner magically re-appear.

xo-
Carrie

At the end of the video I invited you to share something very special on the blog. Take one minute and go do that now.

Then, if you’re feeling really inspired, when you’re done, copy what you wrote on the blog and paste it into a new email and send that off to your sweetie! I’m willing to bet some sparks will fly for you when you’re done!

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29 Comments

  • I'm grateful for These coupledom ideas!

    I had a few minutes to view this fun video .... So well done and packed with invaluable, crucial nuggets! You did it again Carrie! Thanks for sharing!
    • Thank YOU Ilona! Always a pleasure to hear from you.
  • I'm grateful for Do overs!

    Do over! Do over! My honey left just now and I didn't linger. But lucky duck, I get to try on the "linger", later. And now to address your query: What I am loving about my honey this moment is his genuine willingness to grow with me, in ALL directions I check out. This is him being supportive, sure, but also brave. My honey is emotionally brave.
    • I love the term "emotionally brave" - what a HUGE compliment...definitely send that to your man!
    • Here's to do overs AND emotional bravery!
  • I'm grateful for the hidden sparks I know are still there!

    Thank you so much for addressing this topic - this has been a big one for me/us and I think you did a wonderful job of articulating the issue and finding meaningful solutions. I like that you offered up an easy, direct approach and didn't just say "you need a date night!". You have great wisdom, thank you again.
    • Thank you for your kind words, Robin. I've been at this a while and I know that "date nights" are not always in the cards for couples with young children. I like to encourage folks to keep it super simple and easy. Set yourselves up for success.
  • I'm grateful for sunshine

    This is a great post...i love the idea of lingering and finding my partner's eyes and having her catch me smiling at her. Besides my wife being truly an amazing mom, i love her ambition. she's so creative and passionate about her blog and trying to monetize her blog while offering really great value to people. She is an inspiration to me as i continue down my own entreprenuerial path!
    • You're a lucky man, Marc. Thanks for commenting.
  • I'm grateful for The time with my daughter this morning before work

    Great topic and really helpful ideas. Simple and straightforward but I think we could spend a lifetime practicing turning towards each other - harder when exhausted as you said. My partner continues to amaze me with his patience and willingness to remain present even in the midst of really tough stuff. Its been incredible for me to learn how strong and how gentle he can be with me, with our daughter and with himself.
    • Beautiful. Your partner sounds like a gem, Cecilia.
  • I'm grateful for my "paychecks" that, these days, come in the form of little smiles and giggile s.

    Did you read my mind? Just last night my husband and I had a few minutes of down time and we were both so drained and tired, we had nothing for each other. I had the conscious thought "Wow, we need to give "us" a little attention." I was thinking about a date night or weekend get away which is a big deposit, but those big deposits don't last long without the little daily deposits!!! Thanks for the great ideas.
    • I LOVE when someone says that the message came at just the right time. Just shows how universal this all is.
  • I'm grateful for a great man to share this journey with

    Just last night my husband and I were both so tired and ready for bed when we sat down to do yesterday's template together. It was such a fun experience for us to share that time and energy . We ended up staying up late and I have to say the gain of sharing our knowledge was worth the loss of sleep.
    • "...the gain of sharing our knowledge was worth the loss of sleep." Beautiful, Elizabeth. Thanks for sharing that bit of wisdom.
  • I'm grateful for Time to sleep in

    Even though our kids are older, they have to be fed and ushered to school in the morning. In the last 5 months I have had the blessing of my husbands' semi-retirement which allows for a more flexible schedule- he sometimes lets me sleep in a bit on school days gets the kids ready and takes them off to school while I get a few extra morning zzz's (the best kind). I love that he knows just what I like!
    • Ahhhh, sleep! What a wonderful, invaluable and sweet gift. Lucky you!
  • I'm grateful for being home after a business trip away.

    My honey and I have known each other since we were 20 and 22. What I loved about him then and what I love about him now is: he makes me laugh like no one else, his creativity comes out in unexpected and amazing ways, and he jumps into the deep end of life with me. :)
  • I'm grateful for a committed, loving, husband and amazing family

    Your post did come at the perfect time. A weekend of birthday celebration for our 4 year old has us exhausted from love, connection and play. Thank you for the reminder on turning towards each other. I'm grateful for this amazing, committed partner - who always goes the extra mile and is all in, all the time.
  • I'm grateful for live with three energetic fellas.

    My husband loves me completely and unconditionally. I've never before experienced the love and support he gives me day in and day out. I don't say that to elicit sympathy, but because it absolutely bowls me over that someone (besides myself) can accept and love who I am without reservation. I am blessed beyond words to have a partner of this caliber. And he's pretty cute too :)
  • I'm grateful for Carrie Contey!!

    Executive summary of her video follows and this is the key to making marriage work (the key I'm going to start using because I've tried all the other keys - therapy, weight loss, medication, money, sex, beauty, intrigue, competence and alas, despair. Hopefully this will work. Catch my eye and smile Kiss me for 6 seconds until you feel that tingle Hug me until you feel the sigh of release.
  • I'm grateful for The ultimate do over

    I love how very loving my husband can be. He does lots of little things that are so thoughtful. He will take the little one out for a few hours and tell me to just relax and take a break. He will clean the kitchen and when I go to do it, surprise it's already been done. He will take out my car and get gas so I don't have to worry about doing that. So many loving sweet "little" things!
  • I'm grateful for this video!

    My wife is such an anchor for me. She always has my back...always. She makes me laugh...at the world, at myself. She washes the silverware. :) She has always loved me for exactly who I am, and that has been such a gift. She does the things I hate to do to make sure our house runs smoothly. She shows up. She opens up. Parenthood is a challenge, and I'm always glad that we're doing it together.
  • I'm grateful for my clan

    He makes me laugh deeply and often. I love how easily the laughter and smiles come because he is in my world.
  • I'm grateful for Carries love note every morning!

    I love my man and this video Carrie was such a great cool and SIMPLE way back to him. I really need moments spaces in my day and life now to get back to him and him to me. Our young twins do get alot of attention and its not always easy for us to SEE each other! So this was fab :) My sweetheart is the most interesting man I know. He is kind, thoughtful, sensitive and not scared about our life and the family life we are creating every single day. He gives me and the children his all. He supports me when I need it. He pushes and challenges me when I need it. And just plain loves and understands me all the time.
  • I'm grateful for love, life and laughter !

    I am so in love with my husband. He is such an incredible partner. He is supportive and genuine. Kind and giving. incredibly talented in so many areas. We have been together for 16 years and our love and laughter with each other still grows. I am so blessed.
  • I'm grateful for taking this moment to turn things around.

    I love that my husband signed us up for Evolve this past year, out of his desire to evolve and grow together. I love that he dances, that he knows and values the importance of taking care of his body. I love how much he loves our kids. I love how he came into my life, when I was a single mom, and just wanted to be inside our family so badly and he made it happen. I love how passionate and creative he is in his work. I love when he plays guitar and how happy and giddy he gets when he's making music. I love that he is committed to this relationship even when it feels tough. He has really shown up in some brave ways lately, letting me know that he sees what I'm doing every day as a mom, and that he wants to support me more. I love that he is sensitive, kind, silly, playful, compassionate, artsy. He cares so much about being his best every single day, and he really shows up to life. He is brave.
  • I'm grateful for community connections

    I love that my partner has a sweet and forgiving heart. That we know we can make it through anything as long as we are united in our efforts in this life. She is amazing!
  • I'm grateful for My Hubby's Love!

    I have a very patient, kind & understanding man. If any of you have read 'The Way of the Superior Man' by David Deida (highly recommend), this is him. He understands womanhood/motherhood with all of its ups and downs and stays! AND stays with me in LOVE! It is absolutely amazing to me to have such a brilliant man who is extremely dedicated to his work & passions but still comes home and is completely present & excessively fun with me and our daughter. He is also very good looking! I am blessed!! ;)

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