August 23, 2011
Q & A: Sleeping through the night
Q: I am dying to know when my 21 month old daughter sleep through the night?! Up until a few weeks ago we were co-sleeping, then out of the blue when I was getting her ready for bed in her room, she pointed to the twin bed and said “that bed! that bed!” Since that day she has been sleeping in her own bed in her own room. But she continues to wake every couple of hours and calls for me or her dad to come in there to help her fall back asleep.
Is it “normal” for an almost 2 year old to be waking so often? How old are most kids when they are able to sleep through the night? Will we ever get a 6 hour stretch of uninterrupted rest?!
A: This is a great question. I wish I could give you a date as to when a full night’s sleep was in your future. But just like waving bye bye or using the potty, children do things when they are ready. How old are kids when the can sleep alone through the night? Anywhere between 6 weeks and 10 years. Seriously, I’ve seen it all. And the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that every child is different.
It sounds like she’s on her way but she’s needing some “emotional re-fueling” throughout the night.
When she was in bed with you she was drawing on your energy. She felt you near and it felt safe and allowed her to sleep soundly. Now that she’s in her own bed, her emotional safety tank gets low and she calls out for re-assurance that you are there. It’s totally normal.
My best suggestion is to go in before you go to bed and give her a kiss and a little physical touch. Don’t wake her but be in her presence. Tank her up with emotional fuel. Quietly tell her that you love her and that she is safe and that she can keep sleeping the whole night through. It’s just a little something to try and it may help her sleep longer.
In addition, you may spend time during the day acknowledging all the things she can do, and include sleeping in her bed through the night. She may not be doing it yet but perhaps your confidence in her and the power of suggestion will help her feel safe and sound and allow her system to sleep away from you through the night.
As I said, it sounds like she’s on her way but she’s just not there yet. Be patient, keep your cup full so you have the energy to meet her needs right now and trust that this too shall pass. I promise.
Follow Up
Carrie, this is just what I needed to hear. It absolutely makes sense. We think of babies “tanking up” with milk before bed, makes sense that at this stage it would be love that they need to tank up on.
I only hear stories from Moms who’s children sleep through the night by 6 months. Sometimes I feel like my husband and I are the only ones out there with a 2 year old who is still waking 3-5 times a night!! In a weird way, it’s comforting to know that we’re not the only ones.