December 28, 2011

The radical evolution in parenting… Part Two

As I shared in part 1, one of the biggest differences between the old and new parenting models is that we now understand that it is not the parent’s responsibility to fill their child up with knowledge and discipline them in order to shape who they become as an adult; they already intuitively know what to do and who they’re here to be – they just need guidance, support, care, modeling and emotional steadying as they move along their journey. They need to feel emotionally and physically safe so their brains and bodies can grow and thrive.

The main shift that you want to understand is that your job as a parent is to CONNECT with and REGULATE the little person versus CONTROL the child’s behavior.

Here’s a perfect example of parenting from the old model versus the new. Your child is playing and after some time he begins to assert his will – He doesn’t get his way so he flops on the floor, kicking and screaming and crying and throwing everything in sight (sound familiar?).

In this scenario, the old way of thinking would suggest your child is simply being “bad” and “misbehaving” and “naughty” and that he  “must be disciplined and taught how to be good.”

The truth is, yes, your child is indeed asserting his will. However, what we now know about the brain strongly suggests that  that your child isn’t misbehaving or being bad at all; rather he’s a dysregulated little person who can’t manage his big emotions just yet! He’s not trying to be disobedient or manipulative. No, your child is simply reacting to a mental and physical state of exhaustion, frustration, overwhelm or curiosity.  He is dysregulated and needs a parent’s loving care and guidance to get back to a state of balance.

I know what you may be thinking, “Carrie that all sounds well and good and I appreciate knowing it, but what the heck do I DO when my child is acting this way? How can I both minimize these types of meltdowns and deal with them when they are happening? Because when they are happening I really want to control and discipline my child.”

Well alright then, tools you shall have! Stay tuned for Part 3 where I will I’ll give you concrete tips and tools for dealing with challenging behaviors from the “New Paradigm” perspective.

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